Mike goes to pick up his kid from school and chats to the other parents. For a long time he didn’t click with any of them, because all they talked about was their kids. That was what they had in common.
Mike takes his golden retriever to the dog park and talks to the other dog owners. For a long time he didn’t click with any of them, because all they talked about was their dogs. That was what they had in common.
The parents and dog owners he is now friends with are the ones he had something else in common with. Something other than having kids or having a dog. Because that isn’t enough.
Friendships are deeper when you have two points of connection. That means two or more significant things in common.
- Business and travel
- Business and sport
- A dog and a gardening obsession
- Kids and a new venture
As you keep stacking interests, the relationship goes deeper.
The friends I enjoy spending time with the most are running their own business and well into fitness and travel. We have so much in common. We see the world through a similar lens. We want to grow in similar ways.
With just one point of connection, it can be hard to get past small talk. You can exhaust your shared topic fairly quickly.
That’s why work outings can feel so awkward, because all you might have in common is work. That’s why hen dos can feel so shallow, because all you might have in common is the bride. You can keep asking the questions, keep chattering away, but finding that second point of connections matters for real depth.
How do you find people with two points of connection? How do you find the second point when there’s currently only one?