John went to a family friend’s house for dinner and after they had eaten she got out a board game he’d never seen before and asked if he wanted to give it a go.
“Sure,” he said. “How do you win?”
His friend stared at him and smiled.
She commented that most people asked, “how do you play?” The only other person who asked about winning had been John’s brother a few weeks earlier.
John is competitive and he hates losing. Winning matters to him. He directs his questions accordingly.
Before any game, decision or step forward there are multiple questions you could ask. The one you choose dictates how you show up.
How do you win?
How do you play?
How do you have fun playing?
How do you do it quickly?
Is this how I want to spend my time?
Which question are you asking?