How I think bigger

Ten things I do to think bigger. I've never written these down before.

Some are habits, some are beliefs, some are mindset shifts that I consciously made.

(I nearly didn't include number seven!)

1. Believe you are here for a reason

Before I go to sleep each night, I imagine the highest version of myself. The fullest, boldest, most complete expression of who I am on this planet.

I believe I was put here to do one thing. Because it's useful (and fun) to believe that. My one job is to dream up the highest version of that thing and take the action required. So a lot of my time goes on exactly that: imagining what the biggest version of me looks like, then going to sleep inside that identity.

The hypnagogic state, the few minutes before sleep, is when your subconscious mind is most receptive. What you feed it then gets encoded differently to anything you think during the day. Athletes use this. High performers use this. Now you know it too.

Dream up your highest self tonight. Then fall asleep as them.

2. Train yourself to love the unknown

At university I ran cross-country in the most hilly city in the UK. We trained ourselves to love the hills. Now when I'm on a run and I see a hill, I think: yes, a hill.

That's exactly how I think about the unknown. I taught myself to love it the same way.

I don't want to be the person who needs a fixed plan or needs everything to go according to how they thought it would. All the stuff in your future is not yet known. The reality could be even better than anything you imagined.

Train yourself to love the unknown. The next time something doesn't go to plan, say: yes, a hill.

3. Get a thinking big accountability partner

Every Friday, my friend Richard and I send each other a voice note. The brief: how we thought bigger that week.

We don't miss a week. We call each other out. We redefine what thinking big means, together. And when we look back at our first few messages, they feel cute. We've progressed so much since then.

Most accountability partnerships check in on tasks, to-do lists, whether you did the thing. This one only counts what expanded you.

Find your Richard. Agree the brief. Send the first voice note.

4. Build a thinking big playlist

Music changes your state. Words have power. Songs have both.

I have a playlist with only the tracks that leave me in an abundant, anything-is-possible, high-energy mindset. I know exactly what it does to me when I press play.

You don't want to be hanging out in low-energy states for no reason. You can create the habit of hanging out there and get stuck in a loop. One song could change that. It doesn't matter if it's cheesy.

Compile yours. Listen to it every time you feel your energy dipping.

5. Reframe what you see on social media

I work in marketing. It's important I know what's working on social media because I help coaches and consultants show up online. But social media can scramble your head.

Here's the phrase I keep in the forefront of my mind when I'm online: all that is possible is possible for me.

Every time I see someone else with something I want, I don't feel envious or a low sense of self-worth because I don't have it yet. I just say: all that is possible is possible for me. And I remember I can have anything I want, any time.

Looking at social media through that lens means nothing can bring you down. If anything, it makes you stronger.

6. Undo your schooling

When I was eleven, that was the real me. Confident, herself, hadn't discovered makeup yet.

Then high school happened. University happened. I spent ages eleven to twenty-one losing myself. Then twenty-one to now finding myself.

Glennon Doyle asks in Untamed: who were you before the world told you who to be?

Who were you before schooling made you conform? Even if you went to a great school, it happened. Mass thinking took away your edges. It dampened your sparkle.

Go back to that eleven year old. What did they know that you've since been talked out of?

7. Meet your alter ego

I once asked my parents what they'd have called me if I was a boy. They said Charlie. My last name would still be Cole. So Charlie Cole.

My friend Julia Cha has a concept: Good girl conditioning. The idea that influences around us coax us into appeasing other people, putting them first, not being assertive, because we're told it's not suitable. F*ck that.

When I find myself writing an apologetic email or subordinating myself to others, I channel Charlie. His role models went beyond Disney princesses.

Create your alter ego. Give them a name. Call on them when you need to.

8. Hold zero grudges

I have no bad feelings about anyone I've ever encountered. If I ever hurt you, I'm sorry. If you ever hurt me, I forgive you. And I don't think about it. Ever. I wish you only happiness.

If proving the high school bullies wrong inspires you into action, go for it. But it's not required. The best revenge is to not be like them.

Looking over your shoulder will hold you back. Not letting go of people who you feel wronged you will bring you down.

Who could you forgive and forget?

9. Find the decision that removes a hundred decisions

Heard this via Tim Ferriss. One decision, made at the right level, makes all the smaller stuff you're doing disappear. Because suddenly it's irrelevant.

Oprah doesn't do her own grocery shopping. Elon Musk is not in a LinkedIn engagement pod. Taylor Swift doesn't pitch to be on podcasts.

Sam Altman said you should always be looking for that one career move that will make everything else look like a footnote.

That's the decision. Securing your biggest career win, making the move that changes the game, often means going bigger than you think you need to. But we spend so much time on the small stuff.

What's the one decision that would make everything else a footnote?

10. Be them already

Your brain can't tell the difference between a vividly imagined experience and a real one. It encodes both the same way.

So when you visualise being the biggest, most confident and audacious you repeatedly, your brain starts treating it as something that has already happened.

Most people wait for evidence before they upgrade their identity. They want the proof before they claim the title. Founder. Athlete. Someone who thinks big.

You don't have to wait for the evidence. Decide who you are first. Act from that place. The evidence follows.

Thinking bigger starts with defining the highest version of you and working back from there. Shedding the old habits, the old identities, everything that has been keeping you small.

When you think about it, it's really simple.

You already know who you're becoming. Start being them now.